Like A Chicken With Its Head Cut Off

This weekend, I was overwhelmed. Teaching in someone else's classroom is a lot harder than I think teaching in my own will be. I am not able to plan how I want things to go because there are so many things Renee doesn't want me to change. After everything I've learned in class, I've felt this huge push to stick to the curriculum and teach it well, so I was really built up for that when I started teaching. Now I think I need to take things slower which made me really nervous that I wouldn't get everything taught before I'm done with field, and for those who are perfectionists like I am, you'll understand what sort of panic I have been in.

This morning, miraculously almost, I am back to a better View of things. If I try to keep strictly to my schedule, I am going to lose the class. The purpose of this experience is not to have the 5th graders become experts on the Iroquois Confederacy, the conflicts between settlers and Native Americans, or to fill out worksheets and have something to display in the hall. The purpose, I believe, is to see how well I am able to teach, which is more connecting with the students and understanding their needs than delivering a lecture.

I have felt a lot of pressure lately, and those close to me know I do not always do well under pressure. Brian and I's financial situation is uncertain, so I'm trying to save every penny I can. I am trying to win a spot as a teacher's assistant in the ELED department, so my grades and performance in class have to be impeccable, if not heroic. And I'm trying to be at peace in my home, so cleaning and exercise have once again found priority, but it's a shaky priority when your time is short and a mess is never far away. So I've been dealing with a lot, but I think I got my peace of mind back. I have a new plan for today's lesson (if I do in fact teach - another qualm about this class...) and I think it better serves the needs of the students as well as the desires of the classroom teacher. I'm glad my perspective kicked in at just the right time.